Catalan C*nts

“..I do however have some interesting facts for you, which for some reason oblivious to me; have been hidden from the public domain. These facts include the following..”

Over the past month or so, we Gooners, have been at utter loss of words given the very nature of scathing verbose showered at Cesc, courtesy the courtesy-less Catalans (read: C*nts). Left, right & center, they’ve left no space uncovered in teaming up against our charismatic captain, in a bid to lure him back to what they wrongly believe his home. Let’s face it; he learnt all his craft under the able tutelage of Arsene at London Colney. He might have been team-mates with Pique & Messi when in diapers at the Cantera (read: C*nt-era), but if it were not for Arsenal, he’d be rotting on one of the many crocked benched at Camp Nou.

All that is history though, & it looks very likely that we’re gonna procure the services of Fabregas for yet another season (one of many I hope). Amidst the entire melee, modern football was introduced to a very new kinda parameter to negotiate, re-negotiate a possible transfer. Usually it’s the money & the number of years left in the contract which matter; players can now even buy themselves outta a contract if they really want to move on. Fair enough I reckon. But never before in the history of football, a person’s DNA decided which club he should go to, did it!? In one of the feedbacks on 11G, I found this really intuitive take as to why exactly are these Catalans so obsessed with the tiny threads called DNA. Read on & hope you like it

“..The reason why Xavi is an expert on DNA, and coincidentally the reason why he is pasty white, is because he constantly consumes it, when he isn’t smearing it all over his face.

Puyol on the other hand, uses DNA to maintain his magnificent samoan-esque locks; no doubt a direct result of an irregular pay-cheque from El Catalans.

Manure-reject Pique utilizes DNA as face balm in order to grow a fuller beard; in an effort not to end up with what is commonly known as a ‘Gary Neville’ rat beard.

And how can one forget Lionel Messi. Since his arrival at Barcelona as a twelve year old, he has had daily injections of DNA direct from source, which I believe is the prime reason behind his vertical might. 4 ft 2 inches no less.

The source has been unofficially confirmed as being that of Joan Laporta. Injection duties were due to be transferred to his successor Sandra Rossel. However upon inspection by Barca’s medical’s staff it was determined that he does not possess the necessary equipment in order to undertake said duties. Thus finally explaining why he has a girl’s name.

Seriously though, now that my rant is over, I have a couple of corrections for you. See as I am feeling a little “anal” today (pun intended); it should be UEFA & not FIFA who should intervene in this matter. This has to be the most blatant & public tapping up scandal since I cannot remember when; as this is a matter between two clubs of the separate domestic leagues & it falls under UEFA’s remit. However we cannot expect ‘puppet’ Platini to take any action, as in the past he has been quite vocal in his dislike for Wenger’s methods acquiring young European talent. Also I wouldn’t expect Barca’s players to be sanctioned for their part in this saga, as those bloody twats get away with saying & doing what they want. I would however have expected Barca’s elected & official representatives to have been reprimanded for their part as theoretically they should know better. But then, it’s in their blood. Can’t really help.

I cannot agree more with your last statement that we should hate Barcelona for this fiasco, and not Cesc. Should any fan at the Grove, give him an Adebayor-esque reception; we would be giving Barcelona exactly what they want & that’s the last thing we wanna do at this moment of time. Hopefully you will all join me in giving him a rousing reception & that we remind him of how much he is loved & respected at the Grove; so that he then knuckles down & finally leads us to some silverware this season.

As for Cesc’s retail price, Arsene should tell Barcelona to put up or shut up. And if they cannot meet our valuation, then they should start tapping up other ready-made players like the Rooney’s, the Torres’s & the Drogba’s of this world. And yeah Xavi, you can either go back to Ice Age or rot in hell..”

I’m sure the above re-iterates the view of every Gooner out there. Btw, Xavi’s latest theory prescribes Cesc being on a loan at Arsenal & will be Barca-bound one day. For once I agree with the knob-head. Yeah Cesc has been loaned to us for the next 14 years. After that Xavi is free to tally Cesc’s DNA with his or do whatever he wants to. One reminder though, the threads would’ve turned ‘red & white’ by then. Like Titi once famously said, ‘Once a Gunner, always a Gunner’.

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Note: If any of you want to share your views/opinions on the club from N5 (read: Arsenal!), leave Us a comment at the bottom. We’ll get back right away & be glad to give you a chance. Keep Gunning..

Fabre-class!

The Fifa World Cup is on with all it’s pomp & grandeur. Amidst the melee, we at 11G decided to delve into something fun, something other than just football, something to do with fashion! So we hand-picked 10 squad members, 5 who were selected for the World Cup by their respective countries, & 5 who missed out due to injury or plain bad luck. In the first part, we look-in to those who made it.

Shilpi Bose (Fashion Expert/Writer/Homemaker) from Hong Kong, takes time out & comments on the ‘FQ’ (Fashion Quotient!) of Cescy, Robin, Willy, Eboue & Song in this exclusive. Follow her on Twitter @shilpiiz

Cesc Fabregas (Spain)

• Cesc Fabregas, aged 24 years, is the very symbol of Arsenal FC – ‘El Capitan’ as they call him.
• He is one of the most coveted midfielders in the world and a creative genius when on the football field.
• He has a very casual and relaxed way of dressing – neither too bold nor too classy.
• Being a youth icon, he has a perfect style of his own. He looks his best in leather and sweat jackets.
• He has his initials C.F. tattooed in script on his wrist. And the other ‘Polynesian’ tattoo on his right arm, which I like the most.

Robin Van Persie (The Netherlands)

• Robin Van Persie, aged 27 years, is the most prolific & arguably the most talented forward Arsenal have at their disposal.
• He has a lethal left foot with plenty of tricks and turns to ward off supposed defenders.
• RVP has a simple, yet a very decent sense of dressing.
• He looks best in formals – shirts and trousers. That said, this guy is bold enough to wear white trousers with huge black stripes. A faux pas of sorts!
• His elegant dressing style reflects his persona off the field as well; that of a doting father & a loving husband.

William Gallas (France)

• William Gallas, aged 32 years, is a solid defender with part-time ego problems.
• An ill-tempered player, Gallas was a failure as a captain. Although he had the talent required to thwart his obvious flaws, the fans never wamed up to him post his disgrace at Birmingham back in Feb’08.
• Willy has a garish way of dressing – loud and flashy.
• His dressing style reflects his mood –  ‘flashy’ almost filling in for his high temper.
• Another big ‘thumbs down’ is his inclination towards visible ornaments, he loves flaunting them alright. Something I strictly dislike with men, a big NO for me.

Emmanuel Eboue (Ivory Coast)

• Emmanuel Eboue, aged 30 years, is the most versatile and the most loved Arsenal player.
• His ever smiling face coupled  with his joyous nature and his being a utility man in the squad; augurs real well with the Arsenal faithful. This chant epitomises the aformentioned - “We like Eboue- boue We like Eboue- boue We only came to see Eboue- boue”
• He’s by far the funniest Arsenal player & also dances the best amongst his fellow squad members, but it’s the dressing sense which lets him down.
• Eboue enjoys dressing in a trendy style but it usually turns out to be gaudy & not too impressive.
• His resemblance to Kayne West makes him look like an uber-cool rapper though!

Alex Song (Cameroon)

• Alex Song, aged 23 years, is another of Wenger’s prodigies.
• He is an upcoming, & already one of the finest defensive midfielder around. As a result, over the course of last season, he established himself as one of the first names in the starting XI.
• Now about his dressing sense – I would say that he is usually seen in casuals & is not much of a trendsetter.
• What I dislike the most about him is his hair style. He must cut short as it doesn’t look too pleasing.
• He likes to wear his hair-bands & his wrist-bands, which I think, go well with his rugged image.

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Note: If any of you want to share your views/opinions on the club from N5 (read: Arsenal!), leave Us a comment at the bottom. We’ll get back right away & be glad to give you a chance. Keep Gunning..

Hitler - A Spud!?

Summer is here & the transfer market is rife with speculations. Every day a new name pops up linking him with a possible move to the Emirates. Even more frequent is the ‘calling’ for Cesc to his spiritual home i.e. Camp Nou. All this has made me sick to the point that I’ve avoided dwelling into them right from the offset. A saner reason would be that exams have kept me busy & we @11G will return full-time only around mid-June!

We did come up with a couple of comprehensive posts, looking into the players we should sign & the one’s we should offload from our squad come summer. Here are the links to them just in case :-

8 Players Wenger Should Consider Signing For Arsenal

6 Players Wenger Should Consider Kick’n Outta Arsenal

But today let’s take our attention away from the usual banter & have a look at something special. Now a few of you might have seen this before, but trust me for any Arsenal fan, it’s worth a watch – again and again and again! It is in no way demeaning to erstwhile Nazi’, the offense bit is only reserved for the Tottenham supporters around!

On a serious note, Was Hitler indeed a Tottenham fan!? Find out for yourselves :-

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Note: If any of you want to share your views/opinions on the club from N5 (read: Arsenal!), leave Us a comment at the bottom. We’ll get back right away & be glad to give you a chance. Keep Gunning..

Also Enjoy These:

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 1!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 2!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 3!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 4!

“Not-So-Hot-Spurs”: A Pictorial To Confirm The Same!

11Gunners Exclusive: ‘The North London Derby’(EXPLAINED)

First up we have this wonderful video song by K’naan. It is also the unofficial theme for the tourney (being Coca-Cola’s official song for the tournament though). It’s a good representation of how the World Cup really unites the world for a change; & is titled ‘Waving Flag’, creating ripples all over the globe.

Next up is the Official Song of the World Cup 2010, South Africa, co-written and performed by none other than the Colombian sensation, Shakira! She’s backed up by the South African band ‘Freshlyground’. The track is titled ‘Waka Waka – This time for Africa’.

And if this were not enough, here’s another rip-roaring video titled ‘Cocaine Love’, performed by the ‘Damn Vandals’. It shows the likes of Ashley Cole and John Terry; drinking, puking and womanizing their way, all the way to the World Cup! It’s f*ck’n brilliant & a MUST WATCH for those who have’nt.

PS: Viewer discretion is advised. Not suitable for minors. Hell NO!

Hope you enjoy these

Before I’m through, here’s a funny snap justifying what a Football World Cup really means to any die-hard fan out there :-

Read the Offer Document carefully!

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Note: If any of you want to share your views/opinions on the club from N5 (read: Arsenal!), leave Us a comment at the bottom. We’ll get back right away & be glad to give you a chance. Keep Gunning..

It gives Us@11G, immense pleasure to bring before you, views from the largest Arsenal Group on Facebook, courtesy Adam Esker, a founder admin of the same. With over 75,000 active members to date, this is by far the best place for any Gooner to vent out his rant & rile regarding his l.o.v.e called Arsenal.

In this piece, Adam throws light on how the group came into being first of all, the way it is managed on a day-to-day basis, it’s global reach & impact, why Arsenal & ‘tradition’ are synonymous with each other, & what keeps him devout his allegiance for the club for now, & forever. Hope you all like it, & join the forum ASAP thereafter. Enjoy..

The group has been around since the early days of Facebook and the administrative privileges have been passed down to members who are consistent with their posts and may be counted on to updating the group often. The four of us have been admin for quite some time now and we work together to keep things flowing. We try our best to spread the Arsenal news to the people.

The group has evolved quite a bit with the emergence of Gooners from all around… It’s quite amazing how broad the community has become. The passion is as strong as ever as we enter the final stretch but we must be complacent – the faith must remain genuine through the thick and thin. Very often we get a few people who snap like a twig when things go awry, but the senior and more experienced fans tend to those matters efficiently. The “Wenger should leave” and “Bendtner needs 2 go” posts are usually very amusing because it shows the maturity of some fans. Nick Hornby makes a very interesting point to say that Arsenal fans of today are spoiled.

Yes, I understand that it’s difficult and frustrating to support a team with such a rich history and one in which we expect so much. But think about that trophy drought that ravaged our cabinets between 1971-1979, or 1979-1987? Peculiar how that run ends, doesn’t it? There’s more to it than just the trophies and the glamour. With those supporters who understand football, there is a connection that digs a little bit deeper. Which leads me to the point as to why Arsenal is such a special club:-

I always found that it’s difficult for me to explain what it is about Arsenal FC… part of it is the connection with the club and its history. We are a vibrant team with a rich history and our manager has helped preserve the fidelity of our team. We have not gone rotten because of glory-hunting-gimmy-money-cuz-I-want-to-by-half-of-the-continent-scoundrels routine. There is something about this team that no other team in the entire world has – tradition.

I admire Arsene Wenger because he is a genuine person. Of course there are certain roadblocks between the source-media-people but there is a peculiar honesty about Arsenal. Where else would you see a player looking up to their manager as their father? Be part of a team which is so closely knit that it is practically like family – through the good and the bad times. Unfortunately for us it has been a rather cloudy last few years but that doesn’t mean we let our heads down, do we? Manchester United has had it tough in the first half of the decade when we were on top, and who was Chelsea? Lucky enough to get bought out by a rich owner with his mind on the money, that’s for sure.

When the tough gets going, I recommend to be prepared for it. For example, what happened during our recent Champions League endeavors? Barcelona is an undoubtedly incredible side, but take a glance at our resources at the time. Silvestre. That’s why it’s always safe to be prepared for the worst. We had Mikael Silvestre playing at CB for crying out loud. That has to be the worst signing in Arsenal history. The. Worst.

Imagine how difficult it must be for Arsene, whom the entire club essentially falls on his shoulders. I admire the fact that he’s still going at it despite the numerous times people have questioned his philosophy and ideals. It must be very, very difficult to be a football manager and I don’t think that people realize that.

Despite the Messi show at the Camp Nou you cannot deny the fact that our Arsenal boys played their souls out over those two legs. That entire tie could have ended on a much sourer note. And you know what? It’s moments like those where I am so proud to be an Arsenal supporter. You’ve been battered and beaten but you realize what’s at stake if you give up… You’ve been battered and bleeding but you’re definitely standing clenching your jaw.. It’s resilience. We (Arsenal fans) get so much stick every season, and I give my praise to Wenger who is amidst all this pressure.

Not only do you let yourself down you also disappoint a lot of people. What this team has shown this season is that they are a unit that’s not going out without a final roar. The man behind it, Arsene Wenger; who as I see it, is like a gardener nurturing and watching over a tree. The players are like the branches, which he cherishes and gives them a chance to grow and succeed. He knows that someday this tree will grow and be an absolute brilliant sight because that is his vision. And you know, perhaps by September he’ll grow a few more (wink wink, nudge nudge).

In Wenger we trust. Forever and ever.

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Note: If any of you want to share your views/opinions on the club from N5 (read: Arsenal!), leave Us a comment at the bottom. We’ll get back right away & be glad to give you a chance. Keep Gunning..

@The Emirates: Mr. Top Gooner!

It’s a proud day for us Indian’s as one of our very own, i.e. A B Kuruvilla, has been conferred with the ‘Barclays Fan of India‘ piece & thus the unofficial tag of being India’s No. 01 Arsenal Die-Hard. Now I know many would dispute the aforementioned, but let’s face it, it’s him who gets the plaudits this time around. Maybe next year, lesser mortals like you & me, can get lucky! For now, we @11G celebrate Aby’s triumph & entail his journey thus far. Here’s to Aby Baby Kuruvilla ladies & gentlemen. Enjoy..

24 year old Aby, hails from the football-crazy Kerela & currently earns his bread in Bangalore. The judging panel, which included Manchester United legends Gary Pallister and Bryan Robson, selected Aby from the thousands of entries that poured in from all corners of India. Contestants from 80 cities sent in photographs, videos and scrapbooks to support their entries. This is what Bryan Robson had to say about Aby Baby (God I love this name!):

“We were over-whelmed at seeing the response from the contest. I would like to congratulate Aby, who obviously adores Arsenal Football Club. It was a tough decision to choose only one winner from the thousands of entries we received but Aby came across as the most passionate of all.”

Even Arsene had nice things to say about all this:

“We are proud to have so many fans all over the world supporting Arsenal Football Club. We are delighted that Aby has won this special prize and we are truly grateful for his support towards Arsenal from so far away. We hope that Aby has a memorable trip to Emirates Stadium.”

Now with all these legends speaking, how can we discount the man-of-the-moment from the  melee. Here’s what Aby was qouted saying before he embarked on a journey to Arsenal’s cathedral:

“Winning the contest is a dream come true. It hasn’t even sunk in that I’ll be travelling to the Emirates Stadium – the home of the Gunners – to watch the team play live. I’ve always supported Arsenal and will continue doing so until the end of time. I haven’t missed a single game of the team on TV for years. Thirty eight games a season is just not enough!”

How true is that!? No wonder this guy has made it to the top of the heap amidst so many ardent Gooners across India. Before we leave, have a look at the interview he did with guys at Arsenal FC (phew!) & right after is the video which eventually made him Numero Uno.

Way to go Aby, Baby you’ve done Us Proud! Keep Gunning for now..

Q. Aby, welcome to Arsenal. Tell us about yourself.

A. I am from Kerala, I am doing a software job in Bangalore and this is my first trip out of my country and it is very, very cold! I can feel it and I need to get some gloves!

Q. How did you become the Barclays Fan Of India?

A. I saw about the Barclays Fan Of India contest on a website and then I submitted my entry which had text and photos and a video entry. I was singing Arsenal songs in the video.

Q. Why is Arsenal your team?

A. They play beautiful football, really attractive football. They are a great team from London. People in India like Arsenal because they play a good, passing game and are very difficult to stop. My favourite players are Robin Van Persie and Cesc Fabregas.

Q. What have you done on your first visit to London?

A. I went to the London Eye and Madame Tussauds and then I came to the game. Yesterday I came to Emirates Stadium and was given a tour. I sat in Arsène Wenger’s seat and had a look around. It is a very beautiful stadium. It is a privilege to be here. My family and friends are happy for me and they are all watching me at the game tonight.

Q. How do you usually follow the games in India?

A. I normally watch the games with my friends from my home town and I also follow the games on Arsenal TV Online.

Q. And how do you expect tonight’s game to go?

A. It has been disappointing recently but they can come back strongly against Liverpool. I think it will be 1-0, I am confident of that. (He even got the result right, woo!)

New Recruites? 'None'!

There are few football managers who never fail to surprise you. Take Benitez & his eccentric team-selection. Take Sven Goran & his audaciously picking Theo for WC ’06, or for that matter take Mourinho & his pre-match banter. And then there are some whom you can bet your lives on, that come what may, they won’t ever change. Arsene Wenger belongs to the latter few.

With the introduction of the so called ‘Transfer-Window’ at the start of the decade, everything pertaining to the way transfers were carried out in English football, took a flip. As soon as the season ended, managers wore their thinking hat to pluck out the best deal, agents went over-board to ensure their cadets bag the highest package & they in-turn the maximum brokerage, & even the players themselves gave their best to ensure possible suitors kept an interest. Although the winter transfer-window was never the one making the headlines, the trend of suddenly ‘coming-alive’ per say, was still to be found prevalent amongst players. But all this & more till Arsene arrived on the scene. With him around, transfers were never a routine. He never bought players for the sake of it, & to the astonishment of the faithful, didn’t buzz even when his Arsenal were found floundering, getting trashed by Chelsea & United, or constantly flattering to deceive in Europe et al. But then he is the Professor for nothing & as another winter window bids adieu, we @11G look forward to the reminder of the season with his sole recruit this time around. You guessed it, it’s NONE!!

Let’s dwell into the different catalogues a football team is made up of & try to analyze the impact of our new signing!

GK

This was perhaps the only area where no one expected Arsene to consolidate during January. Although options like Almunia, Fabianski & Manonne, should fright any top manager, Wenger chose to look otherwise. Whilst Almunia is not the keeper we saw in the CL Semi’s 1’st leg vs United, Fabianski has yet to down the demons of injury. Manonne, in his brief spell with the first team, did impress, but the angst of top flight got the better of him. After dismal show against United the other evening, Wenger should not hesitate once & duly pass the baton to Fabianski for the duel against Chelsea. Let’s hope he isn’t as bad as Almunia was. ‘None’ not good enough, We needed someone here.

Defence

Some of you might object to the post-heading with reference to the re-induction of Sol Campbell in our squad, but let’s not forget he was a free transfer. So literally speaking we never bought him! But his presence has added the much needed steel & experience in the ranks. Where Gallas & Vermaelen have been rock solid at the back, Clichy has been indifferent all season. Where Sagna has been the epitome of consistency that he is, back-up in the form of Silvestre & Djourou is pretty ordinary to say the least. Djourou btw is injured for the season. How I wish same were the case with Silves. Perhaps Arsene would have gone ahead & pressed the issue for Smalling! Again our best hope here is that both Gallas & Vermaelen remain fit for the remainder of the season, & most importantly Clichy regains his form from last season. Else mediocre players like Nani, will continue to make a mickey out of him. We do have the options of Gibbs & Traore at LB, but aren’t they even worse!? Eboue has been the preferred option in mid-field all season, but he is always available to fill-in for Sagna. No issues there.

Mid-Field

Now this is one area which has performed way beyond expectations this term. Song in particular has been a revelation & has reiterated the faith the gaffer had in him down the years. Not only has he taken to the defensive mid-field position like fish to water, but has also found a solution to the much-debated want for a new recruit. Diaby as well, has done well to plug in the gaps & when given a chance, has not been shy of popping up with a few goals. One failure here has been Denilson. Agreed injuries have been his nemesis for some time now, but haven’t we given him enough time already!? He can neither protect the back-4, nor bump in the final third. All he does is pass & that too backwards. One signing not many are impressed with till date.

On the attacking front, one name has stolen the march on others. Captain Cesc has been splendid thus far. Arguably the player of the season. If not that, then most certainly the play-maker of the season. 14 goals, 17 assists, need I say more!? The new 4-3-3 formation has allowed him the creative freedom he never found in the routine 4-4-2. He now plays without the fear of tracking back & hence is the genesis of almost half of Arsenal’s goals this season. Ramsey has impressed in the limited time given to him. Two peculiar cases just don’t refuse to give in. Rosicky & Nasri, ‘brothers in crutches’ anyone!? Both class players no doubt, but recurring spells of injury have limited their involvement to a bare minimum. Now that Wilshere is loaned away from the Emirates, one might wonder if we missed out signing another attacking mid-fielder. Only time will tell. Again ‘None’ should have been ‘Some’.

Attack

Just one name rings the bell up here. Robin van Persie. While he was around, he was unstoppable. 8 goals & similar amount of assists in under two months & we knew he was reaching the heights his talent deserved. And bam, on away duty with the Netherlands, off he went. Then was the turn of Bendtner to take some nursing & little Theo, well he has been on the crutches for some time now. So Wenger trusted to the wily Russian, Arshavin, to play up-front all alone, & asked the likes of Nasri & Rosicky to support him through the flanks. Highly technical, but a very light attacking force meant we would always struggle against the mean defences around. Defences who excel at intercepting the sleek one-touch passing that Arsenal are master components of.

Right from Balotelli, to Chamakh, to Cole, to Gignac, to Huntelaar, to Van Nistelrooy, to Dzeko, to even Villa, every, major name across Europe was rumoured to have interested Arsene, but he stuck with ‘None’. After the mauling at United, skeptics were out all guns blazing pin-pointing our inadequate attacking force, as the sole reason for the loss. They can’t be wrong after all. While Arshavin is best suited to run at defences with the ball at his feet, & not collect passes with his back against it, both Nasri & Rosicky, too, best work when they come from deep. With RvP out until April, Theo sorely out of touch, & Bendtner being himself, this is one area where I feel Wenger has just missed the bus. Instead of ‘None’, he should have opted of someone.

So there we are. Another window went out of the door, & here we are knocked out of the so-called ‘Mickey Mouse’ Cup, humbled at Stoke in the FA Cup, 3^rd in the League, with Chelsea 6 adrift, & the CL knock-outs soon to begin. We can remain pessimists & continue to rant & rile at why Arsene is wrong at having not signed anyone, continue to sulk as we approach the business end of the season, or instead we can all back our Professor, trust him, his ideals, his genius, which has brought so far. We are no more the ‘1 Nil to the Arsenal’ we were during the early nineties. We are no more the ‘long-ball’ experts we once were, we are no more the ‘bulky & boozy’ squad we were once infamous for. ‘We are now the Arsenal’ who play the most attractive football in Europe. ‘We are the Arsenal’ who have a sound financial set-up & despite having raised the magnificent Emirates, are still not heading towards bankruptcy, like most of our rivals are. And above all, ‘We are now the Arsenal’ which has a team capable enough to decorate our dust-laden trophy cabinet with multitudes of silverware in time to come.

So stop sulking, start supporting the gaffer. Up the Arsenal everyone & never forget:

“In Arsene We Trust. Forever & Ever.”

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Kickin' The Cup!

Gooners..If you liked the First Part of the series of taunts directed at the Blues, well, this one is all the more direct, all the more humiliating and all the more hilarious. So sit back and enjoy another set of laugh-riots..

An 11Gunners treat ahead of the North-West London derby..

1. Four surgeons are taking a coffee break:

1st surgeon says “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
2nd surgeon says “Nah, Librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
3rd surgeon says “Try Electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded.”
4th surgeon says “I prefer Chelsea fans. They’re Heartless, Spineless, Gutless, Brainless and their Heads and Arse’s are interchangeable!”

2. Police are called to Old Trafford.

A man in full Chelsea strip is standing on top of the main stand, threatening to throw himself off.The police negotiator says to him, “come on mate, it’s not that bad, don’t do it!”
“You don’t get it!” says the Chelsea fan, “for four years I’ve been a Chelsea supporter, and this year I was convinced we would win everything. Instead, we were kicked out of the FA cup by Barnsley… we lost the Carling Cup final to Spurs… then we lost the Premiership to the Mancs, and then we went to the Champions League final and Man United beat us again! I can’t take it any more!”
“Ok mate, I do understand your pain,” replied the negotiator, “but I don’t understand one thing… why are you here at Old Trafford? Why aren’t you jumping off the main stand at Stamford Bridge?”
The Chelsea fan looked at the policeman and replied, “have you seen the f*ckin QUEUE?”

3. A man and his son were at the breakfast table when the father spots something in the paper.

“Van Gough sold for £8 million”, he says shaking his head.
“Is he worth it dad?”
Impressed that his boy is taking an interest in fine art, the father says, “I suppose so son. Why do you ask?”
“Well it’s just that Mourinho paid more than that for Andrei Shevchenko – and he’s shit”!

4. Definition of a good referee

1. Must be fair.
2. Must be consistent.
3. Must make correct judgements.
4. Must be able to stay in control.
5. Must award Chelsea at least two penalties and give out two red cards to opposition players!

5. Sung to the tune, “You Are My Sunshine”

You are a jessie,
An ugly southern jessie,
You’re only happy,
on giro day,
your mum’s out thieving,
your dad’s drug-dealing,
so please dont take,
my Blues,
away!

6. Chris Sutton – Chelsea

With the present strike force of Mutu, Hasslebaink and Crespo, Chelsea must miss Chris Sutton as much as the striker hit the target – hardly at all.
At the time Chelsea paid Blackburn £10m for the striker, during the summer of 1999, Sutton had enjoyed prolific spells at both Norwich and Rovers and he even got an England cap. However, signing on the dotted line was one of the rare displays of accuracy he showed at Stamford Bridge.
On his debut against Sunderland he showed glimpses of things to come, as he proved to be as lethal a fruit pastel, missing two open goals and failing to put his name to any of Chelsea’s four goals.
10 games in, with no league goals to his name, Sutton chose Man United as the team he’d break his duck against. Unfortunately, the fact that Chelsea scored five that night meant that Sutton’s goal stood out as much as a Man U fan in Singapore.
However, a maiden goal is a maiden goal. Was Sutton about to open the floodgates? The phrase ‘Does the Pope crap in the woods?’ springs to mind. That goal was the only one that Sutton scored in his 28 Premiership games for Chelsea, a return that makes Emile Heskey look like Thierry Henry.
In fact, his performances were so tragic that Chelsea gave him the biggest insult possible by dropping him to centre-back near the end of the season – well, he’d spent most the year earning the opposition clean sheets.
Having managed as many red cards as league goals, Sutton’s solitary season at Stamford Bridge ended when Chelsea gratefully accepted a cut-price £6m for the prolific not-shot. However, Sutton’s barren spell in London hit him so bad that he decided to retire from the professional game and he is now said to be enjoying Sunday League football in Scotland with Celtic.

Chris Sutton: ‘We salute you’!

7. Snow White, Silvester Stallon and Osama Bin Laden are having a conversation.

Snow White says “Everybody tells me I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on, but how do I know?”
Stallon says “I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived, but how do I know?”
Bin Laden says “Yes. Everybody tells me I am the most disgusting, despicable, grotesque creature that has ever roamed the earth, but how do I know?”

Snow White says “Let’s go and see the wise man!” So off they go.
Snow White goes in first and five minutes later she comes out and says: “It’s true. I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on.”
Stallon goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “It’s true. I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived.”

Osama goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “Who’s the fu*k is this John Terry character then?“

8. From The Official Chelsea FC Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of the Government’s maths campaign.

1. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time will be added on by the referee if Chelsea are losing at home?

2. You are the referee at Stamford Bridge. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling Didier Drogba have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)

3. Probability. Express the statistical probability of visitors to Stamford Bridge being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of opponents of Chelsea being awarded a penalty home or away, and then discuss if a penalty awarded to Chelsea would be awarded to their opponents in identical circumstances.

4. Jose had a hotel room booked in Athens for the Champions League Final. How much money did he lose when cancelling his reservation?

5.Andriy is a very lazy boy and often goes missing. Jose is very cross and wants to sell him. If Andriy cost £30m to buy, how much do you think Jose will sell him for? How many pennies will Jose lose?

6. Didier is very strong and fast. How much pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponents penalty area? (Note: Answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as, ‘However much pressure is applied by Jose Mourinho to referees’ are accepted.)

7. What is the total number of chickens counted before they were hatched by Chelsea and their supporters who thought Manchester United were a pushover.

9. Some years ago, a Russian oil baron who had six children, all girls, began to despair as he had no son and heir.

Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with a son and heir.

Just before his son’s sixth birthday, the baron took him to one side and said, “Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane.” Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him United Airlines.

Just before his son’s seventh birthday, the baron took him to one side. “Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like a boat.” Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.

Just before his son’s eighth birthday, the baron took him to one side. “Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son replied, “Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons.” Not wanting to look a cheapskate, his father bought him Disney Studios and their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.

Just before his son’s ninth birthday, the baron took him to one side. “Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you.” His son, who was by now really into the Disney cartoons, replied, “Daddy, I would like to do Shit and spend some time with Losers.” Not wanting to appear to be tight, his father bought him Stamford Bridge and the Chelsea Football club!

10. A man goes into Heathrow Airport and eventually goes into the departure lounge waiting for his flight home to be called.

All around him there are overturned tables, upturned chairs, smashed windows, flight monitors broken and crowd control barriers lying on the floor.
“Christ, what’s happened here?” he asks one of the ground crew.
“Oh yeah”, he replies “Bloody hopeless ,  we had the Chelsea players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad“!

Also Read:

The Best Anti-Chelsea Jokes: Part 1!!

The Russian Rack

Gooners, its that time of the year, we face off with our trans-city rivals, to square-off in the North-West London derby. You guessed it, its time for the ultimate show down. Its ‘Arsenal Vs Chelsea‘ and its Next..

But before things get heated up, lets go through some of the best ‘Anti-Chelsea Q n A’s‘ around. We@11Gunners feel elated to share the same with you RIGHT NOW..

Q: Why did Chelsea go on the Stock Exchange?

A: To prove that crap can float!

Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a Pig?

A: I don’t know, there are some things a pig just won’t do!

Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the Toilet?

A. So they know which end to wipe!

Q: What’s the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an Onion?

A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan!

Q: What do Chelsea keepers and Michael Jackson both have in common?

A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason!

Q: What does Scolari say when Chelsea score?

A: Fantastic. Now let us try to get goal at other end of pitch!

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, an Intelligent Chelsea supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course – the other 3 are mythical creatures!

Q: How can you tell a levelheaded Chelsea supporter?

A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth – at the same time!

Q: What is the difference between a Chelsea fan and a Battery?

A: A battery has a positive side!

Q: What do you get if you see a Chelsea fan buried up to his neck in sand?

A: More sand!

Q: What do Chelsea fans and Mushrooms have in common?

A: They both have big heads and live in shit!

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the Moon?

A: A Problem!

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the Moon?

A: An even bigger problem!

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the Moon?

A: Problem solved!

Q: What is the difference between Jose Mourinho and God ?

A: God doesn’t think he’s Jose Mourinho!

Q: What is the difference between Drogba and a Mini?

A: A mini can only carry three passengers!

Q: How can you tell ET is a Chelsea fan?

A: Because he looks like one!

Q. Two Chelsea fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?

A. Who gives a F**K!

Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans?

A: Gross Stupidity!

Also Read:

The Best Anti-Chelsea Jokes: Part 2!!

To Be Or Not To Be!

There exists in England a newspaper called the Star. In fact there has been a newspaper in England called the Star for many years – but the current version of this paper is unlike any that has gone before it. The Star is not a newspaper in the true sense of the word. Part is true – it is printed on paper. But as for the other bit: ‘NEWS’ does not really have any part to play in the making of this newspaper at all. They make things up.

Tony Attwood, an Editor with Arsenal.com, takes time out and explains the above exclusively for 11Gunners..

Most newspapers have editorial conferences where the leading planners in the paper sit around a big table and argue about the main stories and features of the next edition. They might talk about the collapse of the British economy, the danger of North Korea having a nuclear bomb, big stuff like that.

But not in the Star. For them the big stories are TV personalities, and people who are dead. This might sound morbid, but I have always thought that the Star would be the best place in the world to work, because their news conferences each day would be so funny.

“What’s tomorrow’s big headline?” shouts the editor.

“Elvis Presley found living in a London bus on the dark side of the Moon,” says a journalist.

“We did that last week,” says the editor.  “There must be something new!”

“John Lennon is doing a comeback tour from his new base in Terra del Fuego,” says another.

“Possible, possible,” replies the editor.  “But what about football, we must have some football!”

“Cesc Fabregas is going to Barcalona,” says a new reporter who hasn’t quite got the hang of everything yet.  Everyone sniggers.

“No wait,” says the editor.  “I have it.   Liverpool are going to sign Eduardo!”

Now you might think this is an insane and stupid story. But it is true. It was run by several papers – and not only was the story in the paper, it was published the very day Eduardo signed a new long term contract with Arsenal!

In fact, football journalism is not quite as crazy as it might seem. You can do it if you want. You take a load of players names and write each one on a card. Put all the cards in one box. Now take another load of cards and write football clubs names on those cards. They go in another box.

Now you draw out cards at random and get Eduardo from the players box, and Liverpool from the club box, and that’s it. You have a story.

And better, it doesn’t matter what you wrote the day before, because the readers of these newspapers are so stupid that they can’t remember yesterday’s story.

“Denilson wanted by Real Madrid,” is a possible headline. (I just made that up but it could appear – and the fact that for 18 months every single paper in the Britain called Denilson not Pereiria Neves Denilson – which is his proper name – but “Lightweight Denilson” – endlessly suggesting he was useless.    The fact that Wenger played Denilson more than any other player last season suggested merely that Wenger had ‘Lost It’ and no longer knew how to pick a team.

The fact is, when it comes to transfers, no one can ever predict Arsène Wenger. He never does what you expect him to do. We have a perfectly good right back called Eboue. Everyone says, we really must sign a new centre forward. So Wenger goes and buys another full back called Sagna (a man whom most of us have never heard of). Then he takes Eboue and plays him in midfield. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. “Play him as a Full-Back or not at all,” everyone in the crowd shouts. So Mr Wenger turns him into a Forward.

This is how it always is.  Henry leaves. Surely Arsène will bring in a big name superstar striker. He brings in Eduardo, again a man without much of a reputation. The same is true over and over again. Which is why all the predictions in the press about Arsenal’s transfer dealings are so stupid. Mr Wenger never does the obvious.

When he first came to Arsenal, Arsène Wenger introduced three great revolutions. One was to change the diet and lifestyle of all our players. One was to say that we needed a new training arena – which we then built. And one was to introduce World-Wide Scouting.

It is this last revolution which has given us the exciting football we have seen. To begin with World-Wide Scouting was used to bring in players from around the world who were not known in Britain but could perform. Vieira was one of the first, and one of the greatest. Pires, Henry, Lauren, Ljunberg, Adebayor. When Wenger signed these players there was no competition for them. There were no articles in the press everyday linking them with Milan or Madrid, because no one was talking about them. He signed players we had never heard of – and then turned them into superstars.

But then having set up that approach he did something even more remarkable. He started up a second round of world-wide scouting with ever younger players, finding 16 year olds across the globe who could develop into the very best in the country. And behind that he started recruiting an 11 year old team. Last year as the under 18s they won the youth cup. They have been playing together for 6 years.

We all now know that Walcott is a great player, but when he signed, not everyone was sure. Except Wenger. When we signed Ramsey, or Vela, who really knew what they could produce on the pitch? No one, except Wenger. No other European manager would touch Vela because they knew how often he would have to fly back to Mexico to play for his country. But Wenger saw something so incredible in the young man, that he was willing to accept that disruption.

So it continues with Arsenal – and this is one of the great joys of watching Arsenal. You never quite know who you are going to see next. Not everyone works out. I thought Julio Baptista could have been a sensation – but he never really functioned. When I watched Lupoli in the reserves I thought he was Theirry Henry II.  So what do I know?

Which makes me think, maybe I should be working for the Star today. I’d stop focussing on Liverpool buying Eduardo, but instead think maybe of Arsène Wenger’s next buy.

Wenger to buy 12 year old goalkeeper from Peru. “I see him as potentially a great winger,” says Arsène Wenger. That’s how I’d write it.  And the chances are, even now and then, I’d be right.

Tony Attwood: A True Gooner

Tony Attwood is editor of two daily blogs: UNTOLD ARSENAL – which is dedicated to telling the stories of Arsenal than no one else ever tells, and WOOLWICH ARSENAL which re-tells the Gunners’ daily history from 100 years ago.   He is the Committee Member of Arsenal Independent Supporters’ Association in charge of the Arsenal History project, a contributor to Highbury High, the Arsenal programme and the Official Arsenal.com biography of players, and the author of the novel MAKING THE ARSENAL which tells the story of 100 years ago through the eyes of a Fleet Street journalist.   Details of Tony’s work can be found on www.emiratesstadium.info

Also Read By Tony Attwood:

Untold Arsenal feat. 11Gunners: Arsenalisation of India!

Following Arsenal from Afar..

The Arsenal Story Begins Right Now..

The Royal Arsenal

Highbury

Bob Wilson On 'Highbury'

Highbury: A Montage

Lord Wenger

Fan Zone

The Arsenal Store

Make Your Pick!

Way To The Dressing Room

View From Director's Box

The Press Area

The 'Invincibles': A Montage

Say No To Rascism: "Stand Up, Speak Up"

Also View:

The Emirates(Part 1): We Were There!!

The Emirates(Part 2): Quotable Quotes!!

The Emirates(Part 3): Trophies!!

The Emirates(Part 4): In And Around!!

"It's a Mido!" Robbie Keane Finally Scores One!

Tottenham Hotspurs, our infamous neighbours, have been at the receiving end of many a taunts. Not that we disagree to any of those, we instead, are here adding insult to injury!

“Not-So-Hot-Spurs“, a collection of 11 images, is a testimony of the same.

An 11Gunners take on ‘What It Takes To Be A Spud‘..

Another Howler Courtesy Mr. Gomes!

For Once, The Spuds Are Right!

Totter-Hmm..!

That's What You Call: 'Lightening Fast'!

Priceless Indeed!

A Look At Spurs Trophy Cabinet!

Sponsoring The Scums!

A Must Have For Every Scum Out There!

Finally Even The FA Couldn't Resist!

They Too Have 'An Unbeatable Record' Of Their Own! Ahoy!

Also Enjoy These:

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 1!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 2!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 3!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 4!!

11Gunners Exclusive: ‘The North London Derby’(EXPLAINED)

'That' Kyd Is A Gooner For Sure!

Its not our fault that there are so many Anti-Tottenham jokes around. Seriously, restricting them to just one single post, or even two, or for that matter even three, was never going to be possible! So here we are with Part 4 of the very best taunts directed at our ‘Bitter-Scum Rivals‘ ahead of the ‘North London Derby‘ this weekend.

You Gooners sit back and enjoy another set of screamers while We@11Gunners, look out for more ahead of the big game..

The following, as well as Part 1, 2 and 3, have been compiled by a fellow Gooner, Barney, hailing from London, UK. A ‘Big Thanks‘ to him from our side! Keep up the good work mate!

# A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. “What about your parents?” asks the social worker. “No, they beat me,” says the boy. “What about your grandparents?” says the social worker. “No, they beat me even harder!” says the boy. “Well.. where do you want to stay then?” replies the social worker. “Tottenham,” says the boy. “They don’t beat anyone!”

# A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment!

# A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper, who says, “Sorry, son, this ball is £20. You only have £10″. The boy says, “OK, if you blindfold me and I can guess the name of the club on any ball, will you give it to me for £10?” He agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball. “I can hear cannons blasting, so it’s an Arsenal ball.” Next he gives him a Millwall ball: “I hear lions, so it’s Millwall.” Amazed, the shopkeeper says, “Get this and you can have it for nothing.” The boy listens and says Spurs. The man asks if he’s heard a cockerel. “No,” says the boy. “It’s going down!”

# A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon.

“Well,” replies the man, “the Arsenal ground is very close but they’re playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you’ll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue.

You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop!

# A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, “Liverpool 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1,” reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.

Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, “Oh, no, not again.”

The shocked landlord says, “That’s amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?”

“Because he’s a Spurs supporter,” the dog’s owner replies.

The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only had him three years!”

# When a groggy Vedran Corluka regained consciousness in the ambulance leaving the Britannia Stadium on Sunday he asked medical staff who he was. On being told he played football for Tottenham Hotspur he lapsed into a coma!

# I was up at Spurs and decided to get a cup of tea from the burger van, I asked the guy if he could rustle me up a cup or a mug, and he replied: “Sorry mate no cups, they’re all at Arsenal, and the mugs are on the pitch!”

# Many moons ago when I was at school, two of my mates were Spurs supporters. They would go to White Hart Lane and wait for about ten minutes after kick off and climb over the wall. One Saturday a policeman caught them and he made them go back in and watch the rest of the game!

# Apparently the entire Tottenham squad have been busy honing their skills playing the computer game Championship Manager. Sadly it seems Harry misunderstood and thinks they want to play for a Championship manager!

# Harry Redknapp, shortly after another training session, comments to the head groundsman at White Hart Lane how impressive the pitch is looking. “It ought to,” replies the groundsman. “We put 70 million quid’s worth of manure on it every week!”

# Four surgeons are taking a coffee break: 1st surgeon says “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” 2nd surgeon says “Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” 3rd surgeon says “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded.” 4th surgeon says “I prefer Spurs fans. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable!”

Also Read:

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 1!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 2!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 3!!

Is This What Makes Them 'Hot- Spurs'!?

We are back again with more on Totterham! If Part 1 and Part 2 had all to do with ‘Q n A’s on the Spuds‘, this one has the main course itself. So get ready to laugh out loud at our lousy neighbours.

11Gunners continues in its endeavour to provide all you Gooners with the perfect build-up to the ‘North London Derby‘ this weekend..

# “I met this really kinky girl last night. ‘Humiliate me,’ she said, so I bought her a Tottenham shirt!”

# “I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make ‘Tottenham Hotspur Football Club’. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth two points.!”

# Contrary to what you may think, Spurs are the strongest team in the league at the moment. Sure, aren’t they holding everyone else up!?

# Is it just me or are Spurs the team to beat this season? Everyone’s at it!

# All trains through White Hart Lane have been cancelled due to a massive points failure!

# Tottenham are on the Internet and they’ve got a new Website. It’s called the ‘Trophy Cabinet’!

# Haringey Council have refused Tottenham Hotspur a new stadium on Northumberland Park, they said, ” Its ok to have a funfair once a year, but a circus every 2 weeks was taking the piss!”

# The police caught a burglar coming out of White hart lane and they asked him if had stolen any cups? The burglar replied ‘no, I never got into the kitchen!’

# NEWS JUST IN: Posh n Becks have reportedly just bought THFC for £300 million pounds for their son Brooklyn for his birthday present. Apparently, he asked for a cowboy outfit!

# After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, “No way, I ain’t that special”!

And this one is the clincher:

# Richard Branson has been asked to sponsor Spurs, but he declined saying, ” I could’nt have VIRGIN on the shirts of a team that gets fu#ked every week!”

Also Read:

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 1!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 2!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 4!!

They Never Get 3 Points!

Gooners..If you liked the First Part of the series of taunts directed at the Spuds, well, this one is all the more direct, all the more humiliating and all the more hilarious. So sit back and enjoy another set of ‘Q n A’s on Totterham’..

An 11Gunners treat ahead of the North-London derby, for all the Gooners out there..

Spurs Keeper

Q: Why is The Spurs Keeper Gay?

A: Because he has 10 Bums in front of him and 10 Thousand Pricks behind!

Post Office and Spurs

Q: Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

A: They had pictures of Tottenham players on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on!
Potatoes and Spurs
Q: Why do Tottenham fans plant potatoes round the edge of their gardens?

A: So they have something to lift at the end of the season!

Cliff and Spurs

Q: A car full of Tottenham fans drive over a cliff! Why is that bad?

A: You can only fit 7 in a car!
Bucket of Shit and Spurs

Q: What’s the difference between a Spurs fan and a Bucket of shit?

A: The Bucket!

3-Pin Plug and Spurs

Q: What’s the similarity between Spurs and a 3-Pin Plug?

A: They’re both F@cking useless in Europe!

Hedgehog and Spurs

Q: What’s the difference between a Hedgehog and the Spurs bus?

A: The Spurs bus has more pricks!

Spurs!

Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to Spurs ?

A: It Saves time!

Spurs Fan’s

Q: What do you call an Spurs fan with half a brain ?

A: Gifted!

Spurs Fan’s

Q: How do you make an Spurs fan’s eyes light up ?

A: Shine a torch in his ears!

Spurs Player’s

Q: How many Spurs players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Eleven – One to Change it and Ten to Get it out the box!

Sand and Spurs

Q: What do you do have when Tottenham fans are buried up to their neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand!

Spurs: Version 2

Q: What would an improved version of Spurs be called?

A: Newcastle United!

Moment of Truth!

Q: You’r are locked in a room with a Lion, A Crocodile and a Spud? You have a Gun with 2 Bullets. What should you do?

A: Very obvious. Shoot the Spurs fan – Twice!

Also Read:

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 1!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 3!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 4!!

Amen!

Gooners, its that time of the year, we face off with our trans-city rivals, to square-off in the North London derby. You guessed it, its time for the ultimate show down. Its ‘Arsenal vs Tottenham‘ and its Next..

But before things get heated up, lets go through some of the best ‘Anti-Tottenham‘ jokes around. We@11Gunners feel elated to share the same with all you Gooners out there. Here are the 11 of the very best Q n A’s on the ‘Not-So-Hot-Spurs‘..

A Record

David Blaine was gutted to hear that his record of 48 days in the box doing absolutely nothing has been broken by Roman Pavlyuchenko!

Rubbish Spurs

Osama Bin Laden sent out a new video to prove he was still alive, in it he said Spurs were rubbish recently. British Intelligence dismissed it saying:

”That could have been recorded anytime in the last 8 years!”

A Triangle and Spurs

Q: What is the difference between a Triangle and Spurs?

A: A Triangle has 3 Points!

Chewing Gum and Spurs

Q: What does a Chewing Gum and Tottenham have in common?

A: They both stick to the bottom of the table!

Tottenham Fans

Q: Why do Tottenham fans carry lighters round with them?

A: Because they lose all their Matches!

2 Points

Q: What has Totenham and a Tooth Pick got in common?

A: The tooth pick has two points!

Bigfoot and Spurs Defence

Q: What’s the difference between Bigfoot and the Spurs defence?

A: Bigfoot has been spotted several times!

THFC

Q: What does THFC stand for?

A: Tottenham Heading For the Championship!

Harry Redknapp and Cowboy

Q: What’s the difference between Harry Redknapp and a Cowboy?

A: A cowboy wears Spurs on his Boots whereas Harry is a Crap Manager!

Premier League and Cowboy

Q: What do the Premier League and a Cowboy have in common?

A: They both have Spurs at their feet!

Spurs Fan

Q: What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win?

A: Turns off the Xbox!

Also Read:

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 2!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 3!!

The Best Anti-Tottenham Jokes: Part 4!!

The Emirates!

Holy Crest!

Our Home!

The Reception Centre

The Official Ticket Counter

Physio-therapy Room: One of the most widely used!

Director's Area

The Locker Room

The Gooners Themselves!

David - One of Arsenal Stadium Tour Guides!

Finally There: Pitch-Side View of the Greatest Stadium in England

Right Behind the 'Arsenal' Team-Bench

Breat-taking View from the Directors Seating Area

Overwhelming Indeed!

Also View:

The Emirates(Part 1): We Were There!!

The Emirates(Part 2): Quotable Quotes!!

The Emirates(Part 3): Trophies!!

The Emirates(Part 5): Over The Years!!

Arsenal Ladies Won All 4 On Offer Last Term! Glory Indeed!

1971 FA Cup

The Arsenal Wall

Been There, Done That!

Over The Years

We Won@Anfiield, We Won@Anfield!

The Legendary Boots Themselves(Thomas's!)

Viera And Petit: The Club-Country Duo

EPL '01-02

EPL '03-04

No Prizes For Guessing Who Won This: King Henry Ofcourse!

The 'Invincibles'

The Dream Trophy: UCL Anyone!?

Read What 'Legend Puskas' Dreamed As A Boy! Take A Bow..

Also View:

The Emirates(Part 1): We Were There!!

The Emirates(Part 2): Quotable Quotes!!

The Emirates(Part 4): In And Around!!

The Emirates(Part 5): Over The Years!!

Welcome Back PV04

The last kick that won Arsenal its last trophy before the barren patch set in was this man’s. A player whose transfer was requested by the Professor before he took charge in Ashburton Grove, a player whose loaded stamina and remarkable physical strength would pay the Gunners rich dividends in years to come, and a player who led Arsenal to the celebrated Unbeaten run – a run which forced even the biggest juggernauts of world football to stand up and salute the spirit of this club. Aye, we are talking about the man voted as the 5th Greatest Arsenal player of All-Time. We are talking about Patrick Vieira..

An 11Gunners Exclusive on the “Return of the Legend of PV04“..

Literally the centre of the Invincible whirlpool that condemned its rivals to dark stupors of heavy defeats, Patrick Vieira was a subject of great speculation once the 2003-04 season concluded. His wonderful leadership and mountainous calmness on the football pitch had attracted the attention of clubs around Europe, with Real Madrid tracking him the most. But Vieira had no intentions of leaving then, but it was just one more season that the Arsenal faithful would be able to see him play in Red and White colours – he would go on to join Italian giants Juventus in the summer of 2005.

His time at the Old Lady was short-lived as the club was relegated following its involvement in a match-fixing scandal. This resulted in most of the big names leaving the club with Patrick Vieira joining fellow Italian club Internazionale. He has since then won the Italian Cup two times and three successive Serie A titles with the club. However, Pat hasn’t been a regular under Jose Mourinho, and for a player as classy as he is, there shall be no surprises at his dissatisfaction with off and on appearances. He was dubbed to rejoin Arsenal in the summer, but due to some complications, the deal failed to go through. However, as the season started across Europe, chitchats regarding Pat’s future refilled the London airs.

What If..Vieira is on his way back to North London? What If..the talismanic ex-captain is set to step up on the Emirates pitch in Gunning colours once again??

First though, let us see how the departure of Patrick Vieira affected Arsenal in the years that followed:

• Arsenal was left reeling as a defensive midfielder of Pat’s quality was not easy to replace. The Gunners struggled in the Premier League getting engaged in a dogfight with cross-city rivals Tottenham to finish fourth.
• Gilberto was the understandable replacement and he played the role well. However, Arsenal had obvious defensive fragilities which led to their failure in finishing at the pinnacle in the league as well as Cup competitions.
• Mathieu Flamini made that position his in the 2007-08 season and proved to be another of the professor’s exceptional finds. However, he left the following summer quite evidently attracted by the big money on offer at Milan forgetting the loyalties that mark every Arsenal player.
• In the following season, Diaby, Denilson, and Song all played from the same position but none of them succeeded in cementing their place as the first choice CDM.
• Not the only reason, but Patrick Vieira’s exit certainly proved more knotty than would have been initially conceived by the Professor.

So What If..Patrick Vieira Returns To Arsenal!?

Considering Arsenal’s start to the season, his arrival might be the icing on the cake that we’ve been looking for. An experienced head, he will undoubtedly befit the role of a campaigner who guides his fellowmen to glory in the closing stages of the season. Also bearing in mind that Arsenal boasts of some of the best young footballing talents from around the world, his presence will allow the youngsters to get candid and thereby more expressive in their play. It would be unwise not to cite the potential difference Pat can make in the dressing room – the Professor knows him inside out which would only help him in confiding in the Frenchman, which in turn would be definitely advantageous in Arsenal’s pursuits of palpable splendour in years to come.

A champion of sorts, Patrick Vieira has never attempted to veil his love for the Gunners, and it would only make him content to approach the end of his career in the place most celebrated in his heart.

A marriage made in heaven, Arsenal and Vieira are unquestionably made for each other. Kudos!

Expect to see you again Gooning all the way, Pat!